You’re not out.
You don’t know any Armenians who are out.
You know one Armenian who is out.
You notice people rolling their eyes when he walks in during badarak.
You will tell Mama and Baba.
You won’t tell Mama and Baba.
You will tell Mama and Baba.
You won’t tell Mama and Baba.
You will come out.
Your parents will not throw you out.
Your parents will tell you you don’t know what you’re talking a about.
You will second guess yourself.
It’s worth it.
You will come out again.
Your father will ignore it.
Your mother will cry.
It’s worth it.
You will tell your Armo friends.
They will say they ‘get it.’
They won’t ‘get it.’
It’s worth it.
Your friends will continue to use ‘gay’ as a synonym for ‘stupid.’
Your friends will laugh at gay characters in movies who are ‘just so gay.’
Your friends will assure you that you’re not ‘that gay…’
You will be proud that you’re not ‘that gay…’
You will realize this is nothing to be proud of.
It’s worth it.
You will sit in the car with your cousin after Armenian School and explain to her that the jokes she makes are offensive.
She will say she understands.
She won’t understand.
It’s worth it.
You will hear her call a trans woman a man, and you will cringe.
She will notice you cringe.
She will pretend she wasn’t about to make a transphobic joke.
She will not apologize.
It’s worth it.
You will go to church.
You will hear the Archbishop give a karoz in which he explains that gays will go to hell.
You will be standing behind him, holding a candle.
It’s worth it.
You will have a crush on a straight person.
You will have a crush on an odar.
You will have a crush on a straight odar.
It will hurt.
They’re not worth it.
Your childhood mentor will tell you that you are going to hell.
She will not realize she is telling you that you will go to hell.
You know that she loves you.
You will be confused.
It’s worth it.
You will go to hell.
You won’t go to hell.
You will go to hell.
You won’t go to hell.
You will be asked in a car full of Armenians why you ‘get all of the colors.’
You will resist the urge to ask why he get’s all of the world.
You will put headphones in and ignore everyone else for the next 4 hours.
It’s worth it.
You will see your parents’ bilingual marriage certificate.
You will not have a bilingual marriage certificate.
You will convince yourself that
It’s worth it.
You will want to go to Armenia.
You will read the Armenian Weekly and find out that two nationalists firebombed a queer-friendly bar in Yerevan.
You will read that a ‘diversity parade’ was surrounded by nationalists and forced to disband.
You will see on Facebook that trans people are assaulted in broad daylight.
Is it worth it?
You will be asked if you want to go to Armenia.
You will not be ready.
You will lie.
You will not go to Armenia.
Someday, you will go to Armenia.
It’s worth it.
You will worry what the tantigs will think when they find out.
You won’t care what the tantigs will think when they find out.
You will worry what the tantigs will think when they find out.
You will not give a fuck what the tantigs will think when they find out.
Okay, you’ll give like a third of a fuck…
You will avoid the pride parade that comes by your neighborhood.
You will do this for years.
You will attend your first Pride as a spectator during your study abroad experience.
You will realize how white Pride is, and it will bother you.
It’s still worth it.
You will go to college.
You will see how free everyone around you feels.
You will not feel free.
You will be confused.
It’s worth it.
You will be asked if you’re in ‘the Closet.’
You will not know how to answer the question.
You will realize that ‘the Closet’ is a Western construction anyway, and that it doesn’t translate into your Mother Tongue.
It’s so worth it.
You will not have the words to describe yourself in your own language.
They will have words to describe you in your own language.
You are not a gyot.
You define yourself.
It’s worth it.
You will cry with the door closed.
You will smile with the door open.
You will forgive yourself.
It’s worth it.
You will feel sorry for yourself.
You will remember what our ancestors went through.
You will move on.
You’re worth it.