The Hye-Phen

made with love ⟩⟩ for a better digital / queer / armenian / future ֍

I Still Love

by Gariné Kevranian | Apr 25, 2020 | Poetry

Gariné (she/her/hers) is from San Francisco, California. She is a psychotherapist with a Master's in Counseling Psychology and is passionate about helping those in need. She spends whatever free time she has writing, meditating, practicing yoga, and connecting with nature. The land and animals bring her a sense of acceptance, peace, and compassion, while writing about her inner and outer exploration helps her feel grounded and cultivates a greater sense of curiosity.

Your heart is broken in half

Half is in the light

Half is in the dark

She says, reading the cards

Focus on yourself

She says, seeing my alarm

But how? I ask

When everything in this land points to the contrary

Be a friend

Be a sister

Be a wife

Be a mother

And then what

Lead a life of strife?

What is in this for me, Armenia

When can I be on my own

When can I know myself

Love myself

Take care of myself

Explore

How can you come to me with arms so open

Then shame me for loving

How can you love me so tenderly

Then condemn that I want to do the same

Everyone here has my name

Yet I feel alone, alien

I want you to see my pain

I want you to acknowledge it, Armenia

Tell me it is real

Tell me I am real

And that you’ll love me no matter what

Not that you’ll always love me but

How can me wanting to love

Make you want to hate

Literally based on who I choose to date

On who my heart flutters for

Why don’t you get it

How is my heart your business

How is this such a threat to you

I’m acting with kindness in all that I do

And I’m trying so fucking hard

To love myself

To love the world

But you’re making it harder

You let me in

I see your light

And just as quick

I see your dark

But as she said

My heart is broken open

I can’t shut it so quick as you

It’s alive and awake

So I’ll leave it as such

Bleeding and wounded

But mending itself

Changing in shape

Growing with the love I shower it with

And learning from you, Armenia

You teach me tolerance

And that peace is the way

I bask in patience and curiosity

Because I have to

You are my people

But I am not whole to you

So I protect myself

But leave my heart open, always open

Breathe in the suffering, the lies, the hate

And breathe out loving-kindness

For we are one

We all seek happiness

And maybe in my existence

I can give some to you, Armenia

I let go of what you thrust on me

The hate is not mine

I learn from this

And continue to bloom

Maybe half my heart is in the dark

But that is how I see the light

That is how I know I’ll be alright

And still be able to love you, Armenia

Maybe you’ll see the light too some day

Embrace us all in a real way

Until then, I still love

Bruised and battered, I still love

Gariné Kevranian

Gariné (she/her/hers) is from San Francisco, California. She is a psychotherapist with a Master's in Counseling Psychology and is passionate about helping those in need. She spends whatever free time she has writing, meditating, practicing yoga, and connecting with nature. The land and animals bring her a sense of acceptance, peace, and compassion, while writing about her inner and outer exploration helps her feel grounded and cultivates a greater sense of curiosity.