part 1: dark, burning
this chosen subjugation suits me
if i remain unmoving
my perception becomes itself
subjective
objective
reflective
the light which once
penetrated is now
absorbed
refracted
spit out
it finds my lips
soft
sweet
my mouth
harsh
sharp
unforgiving
caught on calloused words
far too coarse
am i still
supple
comforting
fortifying
are you ready to
reflect
part 2: passionate, splendid
it is no small thing to
hold yourself
in the darkness and
give away
what keeps you warm
cradle me in your arms until i am
still and/or
my heart can beat freely
we are a patchwork of joy
a representation of
reclaiming destruction
take the breath between my ribs if
only to keep us afloat a while
longer
open my chest
and find everything you need
break me down
tread on my holy ground
my unwavering dedication to an unmoving god
absolve me of this pain
boundless and broken
hand to the ground
hand to god
do you hear me coming
do i rock hard enough for you
does it reach you fast enough or is it
my softness that scares you
am i too tender to be touched
what are you afraid of
i might
crumble or crease
that your intrusion might reshape me more
that my burden might burn you
part 3: love you, fear you
i lay to rest upon crooked earth
where the only language spoken is
silence
sometimes
tears
i recall my final moments and
what brought me here
a kitchen
the curtains
butter on my hands
rice in a pot
simmering
children’s laughter
safety
smoke
smiles
shame
suffocation
fear
a shout
silence
i survived so much
but
you can only run from
fire for so long
i spent so long
singed and
soot-covered
waiting to be
swallowed and
overcome by
silence
but
sometimes on Sundays
i hear laughter from children i do not know
tears from a woman
a wife
much like myself
and the air is clear
my crooked earth realigns
balance returns beneath me and
i am at peace